luke fans unite…

For all the Luke Barrett fans out there, he has managed to update is blog with a some pictures and 2 videos. So, take a moment to check it out. The pics are pretty impressive… we’re talking magazine quality. Also, it is pretty amazing what he can throw together with his digital camera that take 30 second clips and a laptop that isn’t a mac… I must admit I am impressed indeed.

My “Two Cents”

Yesterday we found out the sex of baby burns #2. We did not find out with Asher (mostly b/c ryan didn’t want to find out), and that did turn out to be fun, though slightly annoying for the impatient Jenn. I think the actual moment of delivery with him was a bit tainted b/c I opted for a dose of Nubain a few minutes before he was born (btw, my advice on that is don’t do it, it helped earlier in labor to relax during contractions, but it doesn’t really take pain away, just makes you calm and loopy, not a good thing for the pushing stage). So I was tired and a bit out of it. I don’t think i even opened my eyes to look at him, but i do remember hearing them say it was a boy. i said, “i knew it was a boy! his name is asher”. It was a fun though fuzzy moment. The main thing was knowing who it was, it was my son, Asher, and I got to hold him in my arms and cry and stare at him (once i was back from la-la land).

So yesterday I was excited to go and find out who this baby is. From what I’ve heard the moment at the ultrasound is just as special as the moment of delivery (though not sure if any of those people have had both experiences). When the moment of truth finally came, the ultrasound-tech pointed out the little legs and as soon as she did that I saw, and was pretty sure I knew. So she pointed out the legs, the bottom and viola, ‘it’s a ___’. It took a second to register and then my eyes welled up, and I felt the need to bawl a little. However I started to feel silly sitting in the little room staring at a monitor with this woman I don’t know and crying. So I held it in. Wow…it’s a ___.

As we left the hospital and walked toward our car we talked about it and were having fun, then it hit me as we pulled out of the parking lot. I started crying and had that moment of “I know who my baby is”, however the baby was not in my arms and i was not staring at it or cuddling it or…. As annoying as it is to admit, I was wrong. It was just not as cool to know ahead of time.

As a disclaimer, I do not regret finding out. Mostly because there is no way I would’ve believed it was true. I tend to be a “have to learn for myself” kind of person (ask my parents, they’ll attest to that). So it was great to have had the opportunity to experience both scenarios. There will certainly be upsides to knowing. I will be able to paint the kids’ room(s?), and move Asher and/or ourselves(maybe) before the baby comes so there won’t be any extra changes for Asher to get used to besides his little baby sibling. However, if we have a third I do not want to find out.

It will be interesting to see how it affects the moment of delivery. Since I will finally be able to hold little baby I know it will still be awesome and intense, just curious to see if it will feel any different. I’ll let you know in August.

baby burns #2…

So, we went to have an ultrasound today and discover the sex of baby burns #2. Before you get too excited, we are going to keep this little surprise to ourselves as long as we can… so the mystery continues for you.

Now that you know that I am not going to reveal the sex, I wanted to make my initial observations on finding out vs not finding out. I would say that Asher’s birthday was one of the single most incredible moments in my life. I still get awestruck remembering the room, the sounds, the emotion… and then there HE was… not she, not it… HE! That was an amazing moment that I believe everyone should experience at least once. So, when we found out about baby #2 we talked about the option of finding out. I was against it initially as the first time was so amazing. However, I knew that Jennifer really wanted to know and truthfully, so did I. The decision was finally made and today was the day…

As we drove into the hospital, I wondered what it would be like… would I cry like I did when I saw asher? Would Jenn cry? Would I have a flood of emotions? Would I be disappointed if it was not a boy? Would I laugh if it was a girl? I had no idea what to expect.

We entered the room and the ultrasound was pretty run of the mill with the ultrasound-ninja taking pics and making notes about all kinds of stuff. As the ultrasound progressed the moment of truth came. We directed our gaze at the screen. The nurse pointed out things to us. We saw the baby’s cute little face, hands, and feet (the feet were the most distinct and amazing… 10 little toes)… and the the lady said, “and here is one leg and the other, and here is its bottom and between…”

And there it was… We knew who baby burns was. I sat there for a moment thinking, “wow. we are having a ____.” I didn’t feel the flood of emotions… I mostly felt like, “where are the emotions?” After the nurse walked out I prayed for jennifer and the baby, thanking God for making it just the way he wanted and in my heart treasuring the prayers for our baby. We gathered our stuff and headed out the door.

As we walked to the car, I was mostly sad that I did not ‘feel’ anything… THEN, like a wave, Jennifer and I both started to cry… It was then that I realized what is so special about finding out… For, the baby is no longer just “a baby” it is _______.

On the way home we just smiled and talked about the baby and it was so much more… real… I could see in my mind, looking in my rear view and seeing Asher and his _____ sitting right next to him. It was (is) so amazing.

So, is finding out better? no… just different but no less special. If I had it to do over again, I’d still find out… but only because I have had the experience I had with Asher. Please don’t get me wrong, I LOVE KNOWING! It is so amazing. But my two cents… don’t find out on the first one and after that… fielders choice.

Right now, I just cant wait to hold him… or her… or them… HAHAHAHA!

Reason 101 why I love my husband

Last spring we were in Riga, Latvia for about 3 weeks. One morning while squished into a micro-bus ryan was standing among a group of young guys that seemed as though they might have been a little buzzed from the previous night’s activities (though that is pure speculation, maybe they were just hyper jerks). After a few stops a young woman got on and squished in the front w/ryan and the guys. Not long after the bus got moving again one of the guys grabbed her butt. She promptly gave him a dirty look which they all found quite amusing. This happened again, and after awhile she stopped responding. So after maybe the 4th time, one of the guys was reaching for it yet again. Ryan looked at him and said, “cut it out man”. No idea if they spoke english (although it seems like all of Latvia is tri-lingual…even older folks so the odds are good), but they got the gist. There was a tense moment of wondering if he was about to be hit or not. However, they got off at their stop, which thankfully was not ours, and went on their merry womanizing way. My hero.

good-friday thoughts…

For those who are unaware, today is good-friday. As I sat at my desk this morning, I took time to read through the gospel accounts of Jesus’ trial and crucifixion (Matthew 26-27, Mark 14-15, Luke 22-23, John 18-19). I have to admit that I often find it difficult to truly grasp what happened that day. Not that I can not mentally understand the facts, but I find that I don’t grasp the weight of the account. I feel guilty that, as I read, I do not feel in my heart the emotion and passion that I think I should. I mean, this is the crux of all history. This is the panicle of all creation. Yet I read it and am not move to tears… The injustice, the mercy, the power, the humility, the pain, the joy, the sorrow, the peace… the paradox of Christ’s suffering and my freedom… He receiving all I deserve… It is just so amazing. How can this story become commonplace? It becomes so normal that its weight and gravity decline in my heart.

Mel Gibson’s movie, The Passion of The Christ, helped many (myself included) understand what that day was like. Watching the movie was truly a helpful moment in my walk as a follower of Jesus. To see and face what the physical aspect was like for Jesus allowed me to gain better image of the true pain experience by Jesus. That said, I would have to say that the time I most felt the weight and reality of the events of good-friday was listening to a sermon on the substitutionary attonement of Jesus by Pastor Mark Driscoll in Seattle, Washington. Along with the physical aspects, this sermon allowed me to meditate on the spiritual reality that Jesus bore in his body on that cross… namely my sin. If there was only one thing that you did on this day to meditate on Christ’s crucifixion, I would recommend listening to this sermon.

In conclusion on this good-friday… remember that the goodness of this day is at the expense of the greatest injustice ever committed… God, perfect and holy, taking the punishment I deserve. In truth, I (and we) all deserve the wrath and destruction of God. But, because of his goodness and mercy, he has, for us who believe, taken this upon himself.

To my savior and king I am ever grateful. I am no longer my own, I am now and forever wholly yours.

grace and peace to you…

I am currently studying the book of Philippians. The other day I noticed that I tend to just glance over the first couple verses of the epistles (books of the bibles that are letters). My unconscious logic was that the introductions are typically very similar… “my name, to your name, something spiritual that sounds good.” and my thought, to some degree, was, “yeah, yeah, how ya doing… lets get to the good stuff.”

As I glanced past it in normal fashion I was cut to my heart that I would regard any portion of God’s Word as mundane… I mean, if Jesus was sitting at the table with me I would undoubtedly hang on every word and syllable from his mouth… Yet, as I sit with Bible in hand, I indeed have Jesus sitting with me… speaking to me… So, I repented for my apathetic reading of scripture and took time to meditate on God’s word in verses 1 & 2 of Philippians:

1:1 Paul and Timothy, servants of Christ Jesus, To all the saints in Christ Jesus who are at Philippi, with the overseers and deacons: 2 Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

As I took my time to read this introduction I began to wonder about grace and peace. I looked up the greek words using studylight.org’s interlinear study bible. I was awe struck by their definitions:

Grace: the merciful kindness by which God, exerting his holy influence upon souls, turns them to Christ, keeps, strengthens, increases them in Christian faith, knowledge, affection, and kindles them to the exercise of the Christian virtues.

Peace: the tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and content with its earthly lot, of whatsoever sort that is.


WOW, I thought… Is there anything more I could want or need in this life and grace and peace. See, the point is that to skim scripture lightly and not allow its depth and beauty to penetrate and transform your soul is to do a great injustice to yourself and to the Lord… Would you tell Jesus to “…just skip to the good stuff”… No, for indeed all His words are the good stuff. May we take the time to listen and be transformed.