The Daily Burns

For those of you who haven’t noticed…. one of the short people in our house got an extra dose of the talkative gene from her mother. Often it’s pretty humorous, and generally I try not to judge…after all, she DOES come by it honestly. It’s in her blood I suppose (deep down I REALLY blame Aunt Christine. She was the chatty kathy in my family….i think. Hard to tell in a family with 4 females, 1 male). However, I will admit….it can get a bit exhausting. I try really hard not to tune her out, but on the other hand if I don’t…well…bad things start happening around 4pm. And most nights Ryan’s not home till 6pm to keep me in check take over listening to children.

When Asher was her age I used to strain my ears to listen to him sing and talk to himself at random times during the day. As a reward for my mommy-spy efforts I would get sweet little peeks into the heart & mind of my son. It’s been awhile since I’ve done that. I even flat out told Grace the other day that if she needs to ask me a question or ask for help she may not do it in song b/c when she’s singing I tune her out & won’t come help her (due to not knowing she’s calling for me). That sounds harsh doesn’t it?

I used to think Asher talked a lot. Mostly he asked questions a lot. I’ve noticed lately he doesn’t ask so much anymore. I can’t tell if it’s developmental, if he just doesn’t have much chance for getting a word in edge-wise, or if in the midst of all the listening I do, I’ve stopped ANSWERING. I try not to feel too bad there though, he does look up answers himself a lot now-days. That’s probably a good thing.

Anyhow, assuming the Lord gives us insight on training her to be a good conversationalist (i.e. listening as well as talking), I know her gregarious nature will be a blessing to many. She’s especially handy to have around before church starts. I’m terrible at striking up & maintaining conversations with strangers….ie. being social & friendly (particularly to visitors!). Grace has nearly none of this shy awkwardness and by wandering off to talk to random people she forces me to do so also.

This being said, I feel comforted when strangers make remarks that most people might take offense to. It is not at all uncommon for strangers to mention her verbosity, in the grocery store, at parks and especially when waiting in lines. Today was a great example. I had to pop into my doctor’s office to have blood drawn. The last time I did this it took perhaps 10 minutes total. Today there was a long line at the lab. As we sat in line for 20 minutes or more, Grace took it upon herself to entertain the elderly gentleman in line behind us. By this I mean she talked his ear off (granted, she also asked him conversational questions but he had trouble hearing her, so she gave up on questions early on) until I felt like he had enough (i.e. picked up a magazine & proceeded to ignore her). During this time he laughed & said things like, “she just feels like she needs to fill up the empty air with all those words doesn’t she?” and “So does she just go on like this all day?” lastly, with a sympathetic look, “this is why parenting is for the young. I wouldn’t last 1 hour with this one” (shortly after he picked up the aforementioned magazine).

Mostly I think it doesn’t bother me, because they make me feel sane. So I’m not imaging it? Surely if strangers feel comfortable commenting on the draining power of her constant chatter, it’s not just me? Surely I’m not exaggerating? Surely there IS a good reason I can no longer handle questions or stories or chats come 4:30 or 5?

Lord, please grant me strength, wisdom, patience, playfulness and endurance to know how to shepherd this sweet noisy ball of energy.

For some reason Grace pronounces a lot of words with an exaggerated long E sound at the front:

Edults (adults)
Esplore (explore)
Ecited (excited)
Emazing (amazing)
Ezausting (exhausting)
Efraid (afraid)
Ennoyed (annoyed)
Efused (confused, though she’s been alternating this one w/the correct pronunciation lately)

…I’m sure there’s more but it’s all I can come up with right now.

..but but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God (Philippians 4:4).

It is apparent due to the mangled state of the inside of my lower lip & left cheek that I have not heeded the above verse. It has been a few years since i chewed to the point of drawing blood (& then kept right on going). Used to be a vicious constant habit, but Ryan has worked his magic and the..as he puts it…self-cannibalism is now a rare occurrence.

There is certainly a lot of ’stuff’ on our plate right now that could easily be considered stressors….things to be anxious about. Some things have been dragging me down, some were but the Lord has granted my heart peace about them, and others I’m trying to ignore until it’s actually something happening, therefore delaying the worrying if you will. Pretty much everything can be put into the “unkown” category. You know, something will be happening…at some point in the undetermined future…and not exactly sure what it will even be… I can think of 4 things in that category off the top of my head right now.

On top of all that my little boy seems to have gone and decided to start growing up on me. …And I seemed to not get the memo for awhile there. I was very excited about the little milestones happening with him…reading, dressing himself…WIPING himself (enter dance party)…brushing his own teeth…ect. However, it hadn’t really dawned on me that he’s DOING more because he’s GETTING OLDER and thus more independent. Yet still I saw my little guy that needs his mom to tell/remind him what to do, when to do it and how it should be done. Odd, since it’s been driving me crazy more or less acting like the ‘brain’ for 3 people all day everyday….draining my brain for sure! Much like a moth hovering around a lightbulb, I found myself getting singed recently. In retrospect I can see it’s been a growing issue over the last few months, and it came to a head early this week. Perhaps he finally just got tired of it, or perhaps my stress (that I was under the impression was pretty under control) has rubbed off, maybe transitions we’ve been making in regard to discipline have subconsciously freaked him out. Probably all of the above. I’m not about to air out anyone’s sins but my own, but let’s just say I actually had to call Ryan home from work at noon one day this week because I had been emotionally beat down to a catatonic weeping puddle by that point (in fairness to Asher all 3 of us had been butting heads with each other the whole morning. Wasn’t just him). If memory serves, I’ve never done that before…..i vaguely remember calling him at work to come home early when one or both of them had diarrhea & vomit going on I think…not sure. Anyhow, thankfully Ryan was able to come home & diffuse the situation and allow me some time to step back and ponder the big picture. In that pondering my sin in the situation was glaringly obvious. In fact, they were in many ways, just acting like me…but in a less ‘adult self-controlled’ way. Y.U.C.K

So there was that. The next day honestly wasn’t much better (other than i was expecting a bad day, so it wasn’t as hard), but it was that day that I realized the fact that the little guy was in the process of dropping the little…and I had been fighting him in it. Ryan and I talked, I prayed…realized I didn’t follow my own favorite saying/advice of, “just when you start to feel comfortable in a stage, they grow out of it.” So I took more steps yesterday of loosening the reigns that I cling to so tightly. I need to trust him more. I need to trust God more. He is in control of his heart and mind and emotions…not me. I cannot save my son. I CAN discipline him into faking a good attitude…ie. condition him to be a hypocrite. Or I can pray for him, model a love for Christ and a repentant heart, show him I believe he’s capable of making good choices…and trust God.

Yesterday my struggle was humorously illustrated during his shower. He recently started experimenting with taking “adult” showers. Where the shower head stays in the hook & he stands under it, instead of me holding it & hosing him down. He’s done it a few times, every time wanting me to help him w/part of it. Yesterday he shut the curtain and told me numerous times he did NOT want me to open it. He wanted privacy (though thankfully he DID want me in the bathroom still, heh). You would’ve thought he was about to walk a high-wire or something. I had to grab my phone & play on the internet to keep from peeking in to see if he was washing properly or ask if he wanted some help. I could feel the ridiculousness of the situation, yet tears sprung to my eyes when he announced he was finished and asked me to leave the room while he dried off. Not offended tears, but happy tears…mostly. It’s what I want. I WANT him to grow up to be an independent self-thinking, self-showering man who loves the Lord. That is my job as a mother, to teach him…or model for him, how to do that. I knew going in that I’d have to let go eventually, but I guess I didn’t realize the letting go started so soon.

So Asher: I’m sorry I’ve held on too tight. I probably will always struggle with it. Thankfully your dad is around to laugh at my ridiculous tear filled shower stories. He’ll help me remember to sit on my hands sometimes and let you figure this out….and I know your Father in Heaven will be carrying us all along.

A few weeks ago I was puttering in the kitchen while the kids played in the dining/living room area.  I wasn’t really listening. They were playing one of their many imaginary games but I don’t know what the characters were.  Eventually I tuned back in see if there was play arguing or real arguing going on.  I looked over and Asher looked a little bewildered while grace was sitting on her knees, head in hands weeping.  It sounded like a fake cry, a very very sad fake cry, and I couldn’t really tell if it was fake or not.  I walked over and asked Asher what he did to his sister what was going on, but he didn’t seem to know.  They were “just playing and then she started crying”.   I knelt down and asked Grace if she was ok and head still in hands she sobbed, “I’m just sooo sad…”  Giving Asher the “you better not have lied about not doing anything to her eye” I asked why she was sad.  Looking up at me wide-eyed, tears streaming down face, “Because I am just a poor kid and don’t have any parents.  They died and no one has adopted me.” (or something along those lines.  It’s been a common play scenario for the past 6 months).

“Grace, are you really sad and crying or are you just pretending?”

Complete composure, wiping tears from face, “Just playing with Asher.”

Following that was the oh so common, “please do not REALLY cry when you are just pretending” speech (it sounds very similar to the “you may only scream if you are seriously injured or about to die” speech), and sheepish apology to my son.

Is this a common 3 year old skill or should I get the girl an agent?